What practical use does this have for you?
The Personal Integrity Series will explore and offer practical elements that anyone, regardless of skill level or age, will be able to immediately implement in their life strategy without a need for years of searching and practice. The Personal Integrity Series is NOT a shortcut trying to get anyone quick results, but a way to find the most effective and efficient tools protecting your emotional, mental, and physical integrity - right NOW.
In real life, danger does not wait for us to become skillful masters at defending ourselves. Conflict - at any level - simply erupts in a blink of an eye, therefore the tools you use to navigate and negotiate conflicts MUST be at your disposal in an instant as well.
How to use this Series:
The Personal Integrity Series is structured almost like a course, in 3 components: a free introductory article, premium lesson articles, and mini-lessons containing elements from KineOasis’s in-person hands-on classes. This Series is meant to deliver content as information combined with course material that readers can practice with quantifiable goals and results.
Premium Readers will be invited to participate in our occasional Online Personal Integrity Workshops where we combine lessons, feedback, and community support.
Introduction.
When we think of self-defense in a modern, civilized context, we almost immediately associate it with no-contact concepts such as verbal de-escalation, body language to some extent, and internal - mental self-regulation techniques meant to help us stay calm, relaxed, and strategically level-headed.
This is so because - without taking into account the exceptions, abusers, and violent individuals - most normal* people have no desire or even tendencies to start punching and kicking other people. Normal people, those going about their business of daily life, may never engage in a physical altercation.
* By “normal” I simply mean anyone who is not actively pursuing and attempting to engage in violent behavior.
At the verbal level however, most humans are capable of reaching astonishing levels of aggression, cunningness, deceit, and even rage. At the very least, we are capable to provoque and engage in absolutely exhausting and often absurd back-and-forth “rapid fire” exchanges which can last from one minute to hours.
Because of how volatile and triggering verbal sparring can be, this sort of fighting can be deeply destructive, traumatizing, and can wreak havoc in someone's mental, emotional, and physical life.
In essence, because of the lack of immediate and debilitating consequences such as bloody noses and broken limbs, in verbal fights we allow ourselves to go “all out” and “not hold back any punches” against our opponents. It is because of the lack of these bodily consequences that we allow ourselves - and afford - to keep repeating this belligerent behavior and looping patterns. And just like in war, there are only losers in these conflicts, even when we win.
Let's first have a look at how we prepare for non-physical conflicts and how we attempt to de-escalate it, then we will dive into how using physical SPARRING TRAINING can help reduce non-physical fighting.
Have you ever wondered what holds you back from hitting someone when they verbally insult or offend you? It can be frustrating to not be able to “win it” quickly with a punch or hair-pulling, and that frustration builds up into unleashing a verbal rant or even rage with little or no visible consequences of any sort. What social mechanisms act upon our behavior to inhibit us from resorting to physical confrontation as an escalation from unsatisfactory verbal conflicts?
In a nutshell, we can identify a handful of reasons why we hold ourselves back from the most primal behavior evolved for conflict resolution:
Fear. In many cases, we simply analyze a situation and calculate that we might get hurt. Pain and injuries are a powerful deterrent when it comes to not acting out on our inner urge to slap someone.
Moral Filters. Somewhere in our upbringing we were told and conditioned to not hit anyone. In our society even pushing someone is perceived and received as an aggression trigger.
Legal Consequences. This would otherwise qualify as “fear” but it is actually the result of strategic thinking vis-a-vis the legal consequences of violent behavior.
Spiritual Filters. If we respect or love the people we are in conflict with, we self-regulate to not escalate to physical levels. Additionally, we may strive to cultivate a “good person” self-image.
For some people, their brains almost never get triggered into a “fight” response. For them, “raising a hand” against another is almost inconceivable not because of a moral compass, but because they are biologically less predisposed towards aggression.
Depending on our emotional involvement, communicating with others is either a negotiation, a collaboration, a battle, or an exchange of information where no particular demands exist, but the exchange is driven by some specific or underlying purpose, such as entertainment, probing for validation, etc.
Fundamentally, communication aims to fulfill a need and/or a want - on either or both sides of the parties involved in that exchange. On some level, all verbal and physical conflicts are the result of some unmet needs and/or wants - ranging from primitive territorialism to higher reasoning-based partnerships and emotional-based relationships.
Out of this reality, a question emerges, demanding answers with powerful implications:
Can physical fighting (think in terms of training; i.e. sparring, contact drills, etc.) be used to inform us on how to better handle non-physical conflicts?
The answer is absolutely YES.
The Personal Integrity Series is published weekly. Please Subscribe to our PREMIUM membership to access the entirety of this content.
Next in this Series:
The Treasures of Touch - Coming December 15
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At KineOasis we are dedicated to the empowerment and creative freedom of our students through the exploration and intelligent study of movement in a relaxed and non-toxic learning environment. We use Movement as a means to naturally empower ourselves and our students, to intervene with development as needed, and to enhance everyone's quality of life. Movement As Sanctuary - A method and teaching philosophy life.
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